PhD or life? Part 2

...Flash forward about a  year and a half, and I am pregnant.  She was not planned, but I fell in love with her quicker than I did with him, before I even met her.  The sad part of this story is that we are both so scared of each other now, that we hardly talk, except to argue or to talk about our little girl.  He works away, and has to drive many hours to see us, it has been this way all along, long distance. He is away for days, I am away for weeks.


I took time off of my PhD to enter motherhood and visit back home (which was wonderful to say the least, it had been a couple of years and my family is very close).  I am wonderfully happy with my daughter, but I was very depressed before I got to go home. Single parenting is not easy, and it is very scary at times.  I had to move house six weeks after I had her (house was put on the market), which took a few weeks...bit by bit...anyway...I get back to Australia and I need to move house again, because it is too small for me, my baby and my two cats, but the rent was nice and cheap while I was away and not getting paid....actually, I am still not getting paid, but back to that in a minute...


We fight.  Not just little fights.  Not violent, but we sure do know what buttons to push. And, he pushed the cats button.  So, for the moment, my cats and stuff are in one place (the cheap rent) and my daughter and I are staying with a friend (the same one that helped me during my divorce, lots of love to her). I have a car, but the rego ran out...I have two places, but do not feel at home.  I am in love with a guy that loves me, but we are both too scared of each other to show it anymore. I am still working on my PhD, but I have only been able to muster a couple of hours here and there - and my supervisors want it written by Feb...I only just finished field work (and that is another post in itself, lets just say that I lost half of my PhD fieldwork while pregnant (beyond my control) and still covered my ass well enough to have enough to finish).  


I am barely standing right now, but have a beautiful little girl who is my world.  We cannot go back home without his consent. We cannot get any govt help - Australian or American. He is too scared of losing anything to realise that his fear may very well cause the loss.  Everyday I wonder how I will sort this out and finish my intended purpose of being in Australia, this PhD.  Baby steps...baby steps with everything...celebrate small accomplishments...

PhD or life?

Hello,

I am undertaking a PhD in marine biology in Australia.  I am in my last year, and while it has been hard so far, there is no comparison for what I am about to endure.  I came to Australia as a newlywed.  I had just finished my undergraduate degrees back in the states and had been engaged for a few months when I was accepted into a postgraduate program in Australia.  We decided what the heck, lets just get married before we go.  We planned our wedding in less than a week and left town about a month after that.  Long story short, my work causes me to be away for months at a time, and he was left holding down the fort in a new country.  It just did not work for us.  On my first field trip for my work (I had helped others previously to get the hang of it - not my area of previous study), we separated and he went back to the states.  It was not an easy split, and I was left with hardly anything or anyone in Australia - although, my two cats were waiting for me back on the mainland.  I had to have uni mates help collect what was left of my stuff and store it while I was still working away on the island.  I had to come back and find a new place, new car, new life....ironic, as you will see, I am now in a similar position again.

A few months passed, and I started going out again. One night, a friend invited me to a party.  It was another friends birthday, so I saw her first, then went to the party.  We were meant to meet up in town later that night, but things never happen as planned.  I saw a beautiful (and he hates that I use this word to describe him) Australian.  We both still remember the first time we saw each other, by the pool...we did not realise we were at the same party - the pool was communal in an apartment complex - anyway... a few drinks later and the other girls were still getting ready to go to town, so I decided that I wanted to swim again.  Well, every lady needs an escort, so I shyly asked people that I knew would not come with me (so they would say no), so that he would say yes.  I mentioned that I am a marine biologist, so swimming is literally part of my job...however, after a few drinks, and stupidly trying to impress this Aussie, I took a long dive into the short end of the pool... So, our first outing was to the emergency room.  I fell in love with him that night, as he was ever so sweetly taking care of me, and I was the one that had to keep him calm.  The beginning was event-filled, and so it has been...